“Bullying: Verbal and emotional”

This is my first post under BeingFran; a category created by Plus Fabulosity for me to share my life experiences with the hope that they inspire someone out there.

I have been through A LOT in this journey to overcome self criticism and negativity. It’s an unending journey, one that requires affirming yourself that you are unique and good enough. I hope that at the end of this and other posts, you’ll join me in this body positive journey.

But, for a start, let’s talk about Bullying!

Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets. Such behaviour sometimes can be due to differences of social class, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, appearance, behavior, body language, personality, reputation, lineage, strength, size or ability.

Throughout my high school, i suffered greatly from low self esteem. Despite being friendly to my classmates and the general teaching and non teaching staff members, deep down I constantly questioned whether i was good enough for anything. This went on for a long time; year in year out; but it got worse at 16, when i was bullied by my schoolmates. It wasn’t the physical kind of bullying where one gets beaten up; but rather the verbal and emotional kind of bullying.

I started dating at the early age of 15. Dating in high school was such a big deal. It gave you some sort of status in school, especially if you were the queen bee of a clique. My first relationship was greatly influenced by this. I wanted to feel “all grown up” “an equal to the queen bee”; such misplaced priorities i tell you! However, at 16, i fell deeply in love. I got into a serious relationship, one that would last about 3 years; my first real love.

I’d expect that my friends would be happy for me. But shock on me, this was a topping to the pile of things my friends-turned-enemies hated me for. It took me YEARS to understand that they were jealous of my charisma, success, brilliance and beauty. At that fragile age, i constantly asked myself, “I’m i a good friend?” “Why can’t i have someone loyal enough to be my best friend?” “I’m i being a good friend to every one?” “What did i do wrong?””Why do they hate me?” . I felt inadequate.

Crying under the covers was my routine. Almost every day i was crying over something: gossip about me or threatening notes or mean comments.

Verbal and emotional bullying are the most common forms of bullying and are hardest to avoid. They include things like spreading rumors, teasing/taunting, verbal harassment, threatening others, or saying something you know will hurt another persons feelings. Verbal and emotional bullying are considered the worst types of bullying because they are so hard to prevent or be noticed by an adult.

Effects of Bullying Over Time

The effects of bullying can last longer then most people think. Some adults well into their forties say they still feel the effects of bullying when they were as young as ten years old. The effects can also be more serious than most believe. Many short-term effects of bullying are excessive stress, depression, anxiety, anger, a significant drop in over all school performance, and even suicide. Some long-term effects include feelings of insecurity, lack of trust, extreme sensitivity, long-term vengeance, and mental illnesses such as psychopathy.

Dealing with Bullies

Theres no single solution to dealing with bullies but here are my top 5 ways to deal with and overcome the effects of Bullying:

1. Speak up : Always speak up even if you are not the one being bullied. Talk to a parent, teacher, counselor, or other trusted adult. Not only did i talk to my boyfriend about it, i also shared my experiences with my best and most trusted teacher at school. I’d feel so much lighter after sharing; Remember, a problem half shared is a problem half solved.
2. Don’t blame yourself: It is not your fault. No matter what someone says or does, you should not be ashamed of who you are or what you feel. Be proud of who you are despite what a bully says. There are many wonderful things about you. Keep those in mind instead of the messages you hear from bullies.
3. Relieve the Stress: Dealing with the stress can make you more resilient so you won’t feel overwhelmed by bullying. Exercise, meditation, positive self-talk, muscle relaxation, and breathing exercises are all good ways to manage the stress from bullying.
4. Stay away from the bully: Bullies want to know they have control over your emotions so don’t react with anger or retaliate with physical force. If you walk away, ignore them, or calmly and assertively tell them you’re not interested in what they have to say, you’re demonstrating that they don’t have control over you.
5. Protect Yourself: I remember at one point, i had to run to the principal’s house to seek refuge after the girls had ganged up to beat me and pour water on my school bed at night so that i didn’t have a place to sleep. The principal came to my defence and warned the girls against bullying me or they’d face suspension if anything happened to me. If you can’t walk away and are being physically hurt, protect yourself so you can get away. Your safety is the first priority.

I hope this goes a long way to help you overcome bullying. Please share on you experiences and how you overcame the effects of bullying in the comment section below.

Till next time,

Bye,

Fran.

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